255 TOP 5: LAUGHS...

We have been home for a couple of weeks now, and it is almost time to put this part of our life behind us and focus on the future, so what better time to look back with a top 5?

Today it is the Top 5 Laugh Out Loud Moments.

5. The Padded Coathangers

We decided to take part in the quiz on the ferry home, and our hostess asked us to choose names that were clean and could be shouted across the bar. No problem, our usual team name was wheeled out: ladies and gentlemen, your Padded Coathangers.

Each time our name was called out in the quiz, it was greeted by quizzical looks from other players and fits of giggles from our lot.

The name comes from a line in the TV show Benidorm, where Donald, an old swinger, is talking about his wife Jacqueline's, erm, lady parts! He confesses that, before they came on holiday, a few members of the Middlesbrough Swingers Association were around for some fun. Jacqueline had so much fun that Donald had to pay for extra legroom for her!

4. Carl Bombing The Owners In Séte

At the time, I was embarrassed when Carl stripped off, slipped into his swim shorts, and did a running bomb into the pool in Séte as our hosts were giving us the guided tour. Looking back, I should have taken the stick out of my arse and laughed like everyone else.

The look on the owners' faces was a picture. They were genuinely bemused as Carl started splashing around, going on about how he needed to get into the water as his balls were too hot and sweaty. Nice. Richie was in with him not long after, then Rachel.

The memory of that moment came to me the other day, and I burst out laughing, thinking of them in the pool.

3. Lost In Translation Menu

A.I. is going to replace us all... but not any time soon, if what I've seen so far is anything to go by. We found a restaurant on the riverfront in Séte that was also showing the World Cup and asked the waitress if she spoke English. "No" was the answer we got back. We are going to need to rely on pointing at things on the menu and saying the same thing over and over, slightly increasing the volume each time.

But wait, we have Apple Translate, which reads text and translates it into the Queen's English - result. We find the menu, point the phone at it and take a pic of the translated text. So far, so good. We then notice that the translation isn't perfect, as apparently "whores" are on the specials board (where else would they be, to be fair). They also serve fried sperm apparently and salad - we are not animals.

Carl and Rachel went for the whores while Lisa washed down her meal with a nice bottle of 'Pscttitt'.

2. Fartgate Namur

Before the rally proper, we took the chance to explore Namur's old town on a sunny Wednesday, taking in the beautiful architecture, visiting a nice restaurant, and enjoying a cable car ride. Rachel also decided to browse a boutique, looking for an outfit for Baby Daisy while we waited outside.

While standing in the glorious sunshine on the edge of a quaint medieval square with narrow alleys leading off it, filled with tiny shops selling locally sourced gifts and treats, Richie let off a fart so loud that I thought he had followed through! To add insult to injury, he did it in front of two old women, whom he then blamed.

Being the immature sods we are, we burst out laughing, and the auld ones scurried off, terrified by the sound of Richie's cheek-rattler. When she came out of the shop we told Rachel what had just happened. She told Richie off; he insisted it was the 102-year-old woman who was off to see a therapist for the trauma.

1. JAPAN!!!

After meeting up with the rest of the competitors who completed the rally, swapping war stories and generally celebrating the fact that our cars had made it all the way to Monaco/Nice from England without bursting into flames/exploding/falling to bits, we bought a table full of high-quality IPA, a tray of Baby Guinnesses and settled in to watch the Holland vs Japan match in the World Cup.

Understandably, the bar was filled with many more Holland fans than Japan supporters, as evident when the 'Oranje' scored, and the bar erupted. When Japan equalised, just two young guys were celebrating, so we decided to root for the underdog and become Samurai Blue for the night.

Holland thought they had won it, but Japan equalised in the 89th minute, and we all went mad! Screams of JAPAN! rang out in the bar; the two young lads lost their minds, and we celebrated by buying them a round of Baby Guinnesses. The final whistle came, and we celebrated with more Baby Guinness and included Marco from Tunisia and Denis from Sweden in the round as they were celebrating with us.

Before you knew it, there were more chants of JAPAN, more shots and more rounds of IPA. Eventually, we left the pub at 02:30, as it was shutting. The two Japanese students were, in a word, mullered. We sent them on their way and could hear them shouting 'JAPAN' at the top of their lungs in the distance.

We said our goodbyes to some of our rally competitors and heard a familiar noise coming from a few streets away; 'JAPAN'! The lads were back, crossing the road ahead of us, heading in seemingly the wrong direction (although they were convinced they were going the right way). As we headed to the Promenade des Anglais and our hotel, we heard a familiar sound carried on the breeze from the Med: 'JAPAN!'