124 A COLOURFUL GUIDE TO GETTING LOST...

In the second in the series of 'Weird Stuff The Europeans Do To Their Road Signs' - I know, riveting, right? - we learn that not only do some countries put the furthest destination at the top, but they also seem to swap and change the colour of signs at a whim. I know this is the content you keep coming back for...

France is the first and last country we will travel through, so what better place to start? They've decided that blue signs are for motorways and green signs are for...well, other roads. I'm ok with this; it is similar to our system, so it shouldn't be too much of a shock when we get over there. They also do destinations on signs correctly: Vive la France!

On to Germany, who, being Germany, keeps it logical with blue signs for motorways (Autobahnen) and yellow for diversions. Considering the speeds at which some people drive on the Autobahn, we'll probably see these signs as colour-blurred streaks. Who needs colour recognition at 150mph?

Next up is Switzerland, which, living up to its neutrality reputation, went green for everything. It's as if they said, "Look, we've got enough complexity with four national languages. Let's not add colour coding to the mix."

After a dash through the Alps, we cross into Italy, and they decided blue was too mainstream and went all-in on green for their motorways too. It's like they're constantly reminding you that somewhere, somehow, there might be some trees. We must keep our eyes peeled to spot them while dodging zealous Vespa riders.

The piece de resistance? When these signs meet in border towns, creating a rainbow of confusion that would make a colour wheel jealous. Picture this: we're at a junction where France meets Italy meets Switzerland, and suddenly, we're staring at a signpost that looks like a committee of disagreeing painters designed it.

The eagle-eyed of you may have noticed that I've missed Belgium from the article; I haven't; they need a whole post to themselves.

If anyone asks why we ended up in Zagreb while aiming for Auxerre, we can blame it on the signs. After all, who can be expected to navigate when every country treats their highways like a different page in a colouring book?